Atlas · Details
The Bellic School of Management Training
Author’s note
Great game. Not a great blog post. One or two chuckles, goes on way too long.
AI Notes
A rare Yegge post written purely for fun, explaining where a blogless summer went. The occasion was real: his blog had just landed on a "Top 100 Blogs for Development Managers (Q3 2008)" list despite his never having written about management, and the satire is his way of retroactively earning the credential. The training-course frame licenses some odd detours, including a fully earnest theory of why your waiter never brings your own food to the table, and the corporate deadpan keeps losing its grip, once in a burst of asterisked gunfire the narrator's inner Niko can't suppress. It's a long way from Steve's sharpest comic writing; the conceit is a single note held for a couple thousand words, and the post cheerfully admits near the end that it's procrastination.
The back half drops the joke entirely, and it has aged the strangest. Writing as a nearly-40-year gamer, Steve asks why the industry remakes nothing while Hollywood remakes everything, names Ultima IV as the game he most wants back (he kept its Commodore 64 soundtrack on his iPhone, converted from MIDI, a souvenir of Navy days when he and three roommates manned the console in shifts), and guesses sadly that remakes won't come for "a generation or two." The remaster boom arrived within five years and never left; Ocarina of Time and Final Fantasy X, two of the candidates he names, both got theirs. He was wrong only about the wait.
Related listings
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2008
Fable II: Arguably Better than Getting Your Head Crapped On
Its sibling from Steve's 2008 run of gaming essays — three months later, and a far less approving review. Where Bellic School is deadpan satire built on a game, Fable II is the rage review built on a worse one.
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2008
Done, and Gets Things Smart
The straight-faced management essay to set against the satirical one. Done, and Gets Things Smart is Steve actually thinking about hiring and judgement; Bellic School is the same subject played entirely for laughs.
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2012
The Borderlands Gun Collector's Club
Both are video games doing double duty as essays — Bellic School as management satire, the Borderlands posts as a treatise on engagement design. Steve's gaming writing is rarely only about the game.
From the peanut gallery
Read the rest of the thread · 31 more
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Since you like Oblivion, you should try Planescape: Torment.
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You aren't interested in Bethesda's take on the "Fallout" franchise?
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There's an open source version of Ultima IV available for non-Windows platforms.
http://xu4.sourceforge.net/ -
If you're looking for a very high quality game, I have two to recommend.
I can't imagine that you haven't played Portal with the never-ending jokes and references to it, but there's a reason it has such a passionate fan community.
You should also check out Braid. It's only on the XBox right now, which is a pain, but it's a game without peer as far as I'm concerned.
Neither game takes more than a handful of hours to finish, and both are fun because the joy of playing them is the joy of discovery and figuring out a tricky problem.
Also, don't bother with the Braid demo, Microsoft forced the creator to keep it so short that you don't get a good feel for the game. -
"I became disenchanted with Oblivion after realizing that leveling up doesn't actually matter - everything becomes harder to kill as you get stronger"
I can be turned off by installing some mod. -
... since then the manager will then get better manager reviews from the employee. I'll write more about this technique in my upcoming "How to Be an Evil Manager" handbook....
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I would think this is a born-in trait of managers. There is no need for such a book. Managers usually have it hard-wired and non-managers see it even without having to read a book about it. -
Mods aside, there is no Daedric Katana in Oblivion. The Ebony Katana is a Deadric Shrine quest reward though, and it's pretty sweet.
I can't imagine playing Oblivion without lots of mods, so I use the PC version. Then you can have a Daedric Katana or a Kitten Launcher or whatever you want. -
Stevey, I believe what you are talking about is already beginning to happen
There is a revamped vesrion of NES classic Bionic Commando on the ps3 called Bionic Commando Reloaded
On the wii the game Super Paper Mario (awesome) is basically a 2D Mario sidescroller
also the new Megaman game being released (i think its number 9) has been made to look and sound exactly like it was made for the NES -
The good news is that Fallout 3 will soon be out, and it's built on the Oblivion engine. Fallout 2 is probably one of my favorite games of all time and i think it's generally rated very highly. Might want to give it a try when it comes out in a month or so...
http://www.samalamadingdong.com -
I can strongly recommend "Mass Effect"; I've been playing stacks of XBox360 games recently, including GTA IV, and this is the best game I've played in years. It's a first-person shooter crossed with an RPG, but has a fantastic plot -- I'm entirely sucked in.
"Assassin's Creed" is very good, too, despite some bad reviews. The cliffhanger ending is a bit of a pain though. -
The remake that I most desperately want to see (with music intact!) is M.U.L.E. I haven't visited the planet Irata in nearly two decades, it's due!
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Perhaps you should play old classics, rather than waiting years for someone to write a decent new game?
The PC is great in this respect, because such golden oldies are often available on budget labels, and will usually run fine on Windows XP (can't comment on Vista, but you can probably use a Virtual PC to run XP on your Mac).
A couple of truly great games that you didn't mention:
* Thief 2 (better than 1 or 3)
* Deus Ex 1 (better than 2)
Since you clearly like big open-ended/free-roaming games, Deus Ex should really suit you.
Thief does not give you such freedom (outside of it's very large levels), but it's so atmospheric (and the plot is so good) that I really have to mention it. -
Steve, you should take a look at the Nintendo DS catalog. There are lots and lots of remakes on that platform. No Ultima IV to my knowledge, but plenty of technological updates to classic Nintendo games.
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One thing I learnt from GTAIV is its better to fail PROPERLY (ie guns blazing, or slamming into a gas pump to make it explode) rather then surrender. Waking up in a hospital with only a slightly wallet, warrants cleared, and all weapons intact is much nicer.
Also proving that smoking is bad for you (via the nurse on the ciggie break outside) with a baseball bat is a nice way to start the day. -
Some games do get remade. I believe (if you are into long wordy dialogue ; ) Metal Gear Solid 1 which was originally released on the Playstation 1 has been remade on the Gamecube. Hard to say whether you would like it if you are into GTA though (I'd argue GTA3 was more of a remake of the original GTA too).
In fact isn't Doom 3 also a technical remake? -
Oh I believe Sid Meier's Pirates was also updated and aren't games like Sim City also remakes?
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if you're looking for NES nostalgia, here's a band that plays some old NES songs:
http://www.minibosses.com -
“I became disenchanted with Oblivion after realizing that leveling up doesn't actually matter - everything becomes harder to kill as you get stronger - and that the magic system is extremely broken (you can make a "Weakness to Fire 100%" spell, a "Weakness to Fire 95%" spell, one for 50%, 40%, etc, and they will all stack, causing your fireball to do incredible damage). And, the more I played, the more I realized the AI really kinda sucks in the game.. it just lost its charm.”
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BRUKEWILLIAMS
Viral Marketing -
Ultima IV is still available. The fan group Ultima Dragons was given permission to distribute the DOS version for free (as in beer).
http://www.enlartenment.com/ultima/u4download.html
It's been over a year since I went back to it, but I'm pretty sure I played it in an emulator with no problems, and no swapping disks. -
Ninja Gaiden was remade as Ninja Gaiden Sigma. Best game ever made in my opinion (except for the ridiculously booby Rachel).
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The Witcher has been the most enjoyable RPG I have played since Oblivion. Supposedly there is a new version with extra content and the annoying glitches removed. It also has an awesome sound track. It offered 80 hours of stimulating game play based on classic Polish novels. I couldn't recommend it more highly.
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movie remakes are horrible, please don't encourage it for video games
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You might want to check out Mafia - that had a pretty decent storyline and a really good atmosphere.
Otherwise, KOTOR and KOTOR 2 (Knights of the Old Republic) sound up your alley. -
freakin hell stevey -- stop playin games. see that green goo that's oozing out the door and into the street? that's your life fleeing.
your podcast-chat with joel spolsky and jeff atwood was nice and entertaining.
cheers
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hey...do you have the talent to get my blog some exposure to the wealthy who need to spend money to be truly happy? I am a poor old ex programmer from way before punched card daze and wanna be on the beach with my gorgeous young wife...but(too old for you) so I gotta sell somepf my beachfront in costa rica...and it's worth some bux 2 u (magic words in my kingdom...interested? I need a hot shot like you, so either put up or shut up...and do this job or I'll cap your left ball.
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Starcraft 2 and Diablo 3 are coming, probably next year.
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@Chris_h
For the record, I liked Thief 1 much more than either of the sequels.
It has such an amazing story, which starts out unpretentuously and develops with brilliant psychological switchbacks along the way. It is *so* atmospheric, with the audio and the mostly-brilliant voice-acting playing a huge part.
My predominant memory of Thief 2 (which I played through twice) is of stupid clockwork robots chasing me around armed with steam powered canonballs. Not very atmostpheric. The story was pants compared to Thief 1.
I guess this just goes to show that there's a lot of subjectivity in it.
We are in agreement about Thief 3 though. Totally revamped, and I just don't like it, curmudgeon that I am. -
Google for a newish little game called "World of Goo". It is truely fantastic, and available on Mac and Wii.
It is short, but that is reflected in the low price.
As for Oblivion, I agree with Laxori; what's the point of leveling? It does take some of the grind element out of the game, but maybe the game designers need to reconsider what they're aiming for... -
attention fellow fingers...this above is a very important post...for a momentlets forget the games and concentrate on the audiences... basically our USA relationship with Japan...mark my words...the maintenance of our true friends is more important than any gaming...especially in a real time economy...
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Since you like Oblivion, you should try Planescape: Torment.
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hmmmmmmmmmmm.
Steve, you have clearly been living under a rock, because company re-release and remake games all the freaking time. Nintendo released Mario 64 for the DS soon after it came out, and SquareEnix recently remade Final Fantasy IV for the DS as well (by my count there are no less than five different versions of Final Fantasy IV floating around, and that's not even counting fan translations). Konami remade Metal Gear Solid for the Gamecube. I can guarantee you that at some point, Square (the king of remakes) will remake FFX, one of the examples you mentioned (in the meantime it certainly wouldn't kill you to play some other installments in the series, since I think X is middle-of-the-road).
— Unknown · 11:22 AM, September 29, 2008
I became disenchanted with Oblivion after realizing that leveling up doesn't actually matter - everything becomes harder to kill as you get stronger - and that the magic system is extremely broken (you can make a "Weakness to Fire 100%" spell, a "Weakness to Fire 95%" spell, one for 50%, 40%, etc, and they will all stack, causing your fireball to do incredible damage). And, the more I played, the more I realized the AI really kinda sucks in the game.. it just lost its charm.
— Laxori666 · 11:56 PM, September 28, 2008
You should also try Stringer Bell's Business Growth and Management Training seminars.
— phil varner · 11:05 AM, October 06, 2008