Programming's Dirtiest Little Secret — cover art: a panda at a vintage typewriter in a warm lamplit study, eyes lifted away from the keys, paws a blur on the keyboard, finished pages stacking up fast beside it. 👍

2008 · Stevey's Blog Rants · Rant

“It's empowering, being able to type almost as fast as you can think. Why would you want it any other way?”
— From Programming's Dirtiest Little Secret, September 2008
Read the essay

© 2008 Steve Yegge. Originally published at Stevey's Blog Rants.

AI Notes

A year before this, Rich Programmer Food ended on the deadpan verdict that the most important CS class you can take is Typing 101. Here Steve makes good on the joke at full length, under a Mr. Pink epigraph, after years of sober drafts died on him; this one got written bottoms-up, on wine. And the "completely hypothetical fictitious made-up" dork in the story fools nobody: Yeev Staigey of Paradise High in Paradise, California is Steve himself, three skipped grades and scratched bifocal goggles included.

Under the abuse sits a real argument about what design work is — conversation with other people, plus "a persistent record of the decision tree" — which is why the standard alibi, "I spend all my time in design," gets flattened rather than excused. Some of it has dated: Mavis Beacon stands in as the brand of last resort, and the parting plug for Dvorak as a "free speed boost" is a claim keyboard research has been unkind to; nobody in 2008 could have priced in machines that do most of the typing themselves, either. The sociology wears better than the shopping advice. The back half also hides some extras: a second dirty secret meaner than the headline one, an insult Steve redacts into a madlib for the reader to complete, and a standing offer of a personalized pep talk by email for anyone who gets stuck.

Related listings

  • 2005

    Practicing Programming

    The companion craft essay. Practicing Programming argues programmers should train deliberately like musicians; touch-typing is the cheapest, most concrete drill in that whole program — and the essay even teaches it with a musician's practice loop.

  • 2008

    Get That Job at Google

    Both are Steve in plain service-journalism mode — concrete, do-this-now career advice delivered without losing the comedy. Get That Job is how to pass the gate; this is one of the cheapest things you can do once you are through it.

  • 2008

    Done, and Gets Things Smart

    Two 2008 essays about who is quietly good and who only looks it. Done, and Gets Things Smart is about spotting real engineers; this one names a small, telling habit that shows up in every written trace they leave.

Reception & reply

Few of Steve's claims provoked as cleanly as this one — that touch-typing is a baseline professional skill. It drew flat rebuttals, thoughtful extensions that move the argument from typing to fluency, and, most literally, a typing tutor built to its specification.

Replies

Touch typing is irrelevant for programmers reenigne.org

The clean rebuttal: typing speed matters, formal touch-typing technique does not — "the bottleneck is my brain, not my fingers."

You can't attend to the details if you can't express yourself Elf Sternberg

Extends the point from typing to fluency in one's whole device of expression — language and tooling mastery.

2016-08 Penmanship Tom MacWright

Starts from the essay, then argues the real unrecognized foundation is syntax-and-punctuation literacy, not typing.

Built from it

gotypist GitHub · pb-

A touch-typing tutor that implements Steve's fast / slow / medium practice loop directly — the essay's Yeev story shipped as software.

Where it was argued