Programming's Dirtiest Little Secret — cover art: a panda at a vintage typewriter in a warm lamplit study, eyes lifted away from the keys, paws a blur on the keyboard, finished pages stacking up fast beside it. 👍

2008 · Stevey's Blog Rants · Rant

“It's empowering, being able to type almost as fast as you can think. Why would you want it any other way?”
— From Programming's Dirtiest Little Secret, September 2008
Read the essay

© 2008 Steve Yegge. Originally published at Stevey's Blog Rants.

AI Notes

A piece Steve admits up front he'd wanted to write forever and kept failing at — so this time he popped a bottle and went bottoms-up. The hook is Mr. Pink's "learn to fuckin' type" line from Reservoir Dogs. The body is a fictionalised 1982 frame: "Yeev Staigey," a dorky twelve-year-old at Paradise High in Paradise, California, who picks Typing over Wood Shop and gets taught touch-typing by the football coach — using, it turns out, the same Fast/Slow/Medium practice loop world-class musicians use. The thesis is blunt: professional programmers who never learned to touch-type are handicapping themselves, and the industry politely pretends not to notice. It's a cheap skill — thirty minutes a day for thirty days. The dirty secret itself: non-typists fit a profile, because to keep up they must sacrifice something, and the only things a programmer can quietly cut are documentation, comments, and participation in written discussion. So non-typists slowly go invisible in the engineering culture — almost no online footprint, minimalist uncommented code, hallway conversations instead of a written record. Steve bats away the "refactoring tools make typing obsolete" objection and closes by citing his one-handed friend John, who types 70 wpm with a self-invented technique.

Short, funny, and still correct — even more so now that engineering went fully asynchronous.

Related listings

  • 2005

    Practicing Programming

    The companion craft essay. Practicing Programming argues programmers should train deliberately like musicians; touch-typing is the cheapest, most concrete drill in that whole program — and the essay even teaches it with a musician's practice loop.

  • 2008

    Get That Job at Google

    Both are Steve in plain service-journalism mode — concrete, do-this-now career advice delivered without losing the comedy. Get That Job is how to pass the gate; this is one of the cheapest things you can do once you are through it.

  • 2008

    Done, and Gets Things Smart

    Two 2008 essays about who is quietly good and who only looks it. Done, and Gets Things Smart is about spotting real engineers; this one names a small, telling habit that shows up in every written trace they leave.

Reception & reply

Few of Steve's claims provoked as cleanly as this one — that touch-typing is a baseline professional skill. It drew flat rebuttals, thoughtful extensions that move the argument from typing to fluency, and, most literally, a typing tutor built to its specification.

Replies

Touch typing is irrelevant for programmers reenigne.org

The clean rebuttal: typing speed matters, formal touch-typing technique does not — "the bottleneck is my brain, not my fingers."

You can't attend to the details if you can't express yourself Elf Sternberg

Extends the point from typing to fluency in one's whole device of expression — language and tooling mastery.

2016-08 Penmanship Tom MacWright

Starts from the essay, then argues the real unrecognized foundation is syntax-and-punctuation literacy, not typing.

Built from it

gotypist GitHub · pb-

A touch-typing tutor that implements Steve's fast / slow / medium practice loop directly — the essay's Yeev story shipped as software.

Where it was argued