Oblivion — cover art: a small fox in slippers and a dressing gown curled up in an armchair before a fire, fully absorbed in a heavy illustrated fantasy quest-book on his lap, a half-eaten plate and a cold teacup forgotten on the side table. 🕹️

2006 · Stevey's Blog Rants · Review

“It's like the soap-opera director said of Moe the Bartender: 'I wanted Mary-Ann-on-Gilligan's-Island ugly, not ugly ugly!'”
— From Oblivion, May 2006
Read the essay

© 2006 Steve Yegge. Originally published at Stevey's Blog Rants.

AI Notes

The first post after a long silence, and the explanation is in the title: The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion has shipped, and Steve has been levelling out of control because he was stupid enough to pick Athletics as one of his primary skills. Steve's self-described "it's Friday hence let's-get-hammered" review. The complaints are the fun part: the game crashes constantly ("you can tell it's about to crash because the frame rate goes from frames per second to seconds per frame"); the autosave confirms itself cheerily just as a mountain lion rips out your throat; the NPCs are uglier than the Cyrodiil countryside deserves and all look vaguely related — a Mary-Ann-on-Gilligan's-Island problem; the voice acting is extraordinary but performed by maybe four people total, and the men keep modulating their intonation as if they have "a choke-chain tied around their testicles." Then there's the monster AI, which Steve insists is exceptionally good — enemies chase you out of the dungeon, spill into town, and fight whatever they encounter, so you can sit your horse and watch an Imperial Guard romp on a troll. That is the early case for what good games are about — not graphics, not plot, but a world that keeps doing things even when you stop looking at it.

Steve's first game-review post — the earliest of the let's-get-hammered-and-review-an-RPG posts he turns out every couple of years.

Related listings

  • 2014

    Borderlands 2: The Discarders

    Eight years later Steve is still writing the same kind of post — the long-form first-person game-review that wanders into an argument. The Borderlands posts are the genre Oblivion starts.

  • 2008

    Fable II

    The other 2000s game-review essay in the same register. Read together as the early canon of Steve's let's-get-hammered-and-review-this-RPG mode.

  • 2008

    Four Console Games

    Two years later, the same eye broadens to a survey. Oblivion is the single-game version; Four Console Games is what Steve does once he has a few more notches.