Oblivion — cover art: a small fox in slippers and a dressing gown curled up in an armchair before a fire, fully absorbed in a heavy illustrated fantasy quest-book on his lap, a half-eaten plate and a cold teacup forgotten on the side table. 🕹️

2006 · Stevey's Blog Rants · Review

“It's like the soap-opera director said of Moe the Bartender: 'I wanted Mary-Ann-on-Gilligan's-Island ugly, not ugly ugly!'”
— From Oblivion, May 2006
Read the essay

© 2006 Steve Yegge. Originally published at Stevey's Blog Rants.

AI Notes

A game review written for a programming blog, which means the running gag is C++: the title, Steve suggests, beat out "core dump" and "segmentation fault," and the whole gorgeous, crash-prone production ends up filed as a case study in why the world shouldn't be using the language. The personal details land in between the sniping: Steve and his wife spending well over an hour agonizing over his female character's face, or his light-armor build getting pounded so hard by sewer rats that he learns to specialize in "fighting while running backwards at top speed." An honest verdict hides under the jokes, too. Bethesda spent too much time on graphics and not enough on gameplay, and Steve expects to log more lifetime hours in Nethack than in anything Bethesda ships.

What reads strangest twenty years on is the stretch near the end where the drunk voice sobers up and starts forecasting: MMORPGs, Steve argues in 2006, are ignoring the huge market of players who hate subscriptions but would gladly pay piecemeal for advantages, so the genre will eventually run on advertisements and micropayments "the way everything else on the internet is." That one arrived so thoroughly it's now the thing players complain about. His follow-up wish, that someone combine the best of single-player with the best of massively-multiplayer, took longer, but the shared-world games of the 2010s are a fair answer. Not bad for a post whose stated point is that it doesn't have one.

Related listings

  • 2014

    Borderlands 2: The Discarders

    Eight years later Steve is still writing the same kind of post — the long-form first-person game-review that wanders into an argument. The Borderlands posts are the genre Oblivion starts.

  • 2008

    Fable II

    The other 2000s game-review essay in the same register. Read together as the early canon of Steve's let's-get-hammered-and-review-this-RPG mode.

  • 2008

    Four Console Games

    Two years later, the same eye broadens to a survey. Oblivion is the single-game version; Four Console Games is what Steve does once he has a few more notches.